Dead in the Water.

I am currently attempting to switch my brain from "On Vacation from Grad School" mode to "Get Your Butt in Gear, Adam!" mode. As you can tell by my posting this, I'm not being terribly successful tonight. I keep thinking there's something else I should be doing, but really, this is the most pressing thing.

Why is it my brain can so easily be dissuaded from doing anything that's actually somewhat difficult/important?

Am I alone in this?

Maybe my mind's still a blur from all the activity that's been going on lately.

My roommate (and best friend) got married a week and a half ago, and while I'm incredibly happy for him, I'm still getting used to the idea of living by myself. Of course, there are numerous advantages to having a place to yourself, not least of which is the ability to do absolutely anything that could pass for being moderately bizarre, and not have any fear of reprisal or mockery. I'm also rather taken aback at my level of productivity when I'm awake (provided, of course, it's not anything school-related). I have completely new furniture for the living room, as well as a plan for both of the bedrooms once Brad and Heather do the big move out this weekend. I've made slipcovers, assembled futons and coffeetables, and completed an idea for a sort-of-artwork that turned out much better than I ever expected.

This just happens to be the first time I've actually been completely, 100%, on my own.

I just keep telling myself this is going to be a good thing in the long run, despite how much I may be struggling right now.

I'm also reminded of the passage in Genesis that talked about it not being good for man to be alone. Now, to the best of my understanding, this doesn't just mean a spouse, but rather, spending too much time on your own with little or no connection to other people (and other believers). It's really easy to retreat into yourself, and become self-obsessed and overly self-analytical. This creates a huge opening for the thoughts of self-doubt and worthlessness to work their way in. No, instead, I need to surround myself with a community of friends and family that see the good in me, even when I have a hard time seeing that good in myself.

But now, I'm going to open my bookbag from grad school for the first time in almost a month, and at least give a decent effort at understanding what's due, so I can cram it all in tomorrow night!

If you made it to the end of this, congratulations--you'll find an envelope taped under your seat with a special prize!

Well, not really.

I don't have THAT much time on my hands...